dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-23 04:59 am

Elly versus Martha Two: Selective Memory Boogaloo

As we all know, what really ended up killing the little fantasy relationship Mike had with Martha is that she kept on insisting that she was a person in her own right instead of someTHING to lust over or stick in the front passenger seat of Elly's station wagon to make him look cooler when cruising. Having a family, emotional needs and free will really got in the way of his being a horny jerk so were bad things but you can't get the prick to admit to that. He blathers about destiny and the need for his kids to exist as if Life were written in stone because he can't admit that if he hadn't been a butthead about everything, he'd be defending the right of the kids he and Martha had to exist as if they were the only possibility. Also, he tends to gloss over forgetting that she existed half the time and taking her for granted like a heel and being a snotty little prick who fell like a sucker for all the shit-talk people who don't know her made about her.

This is because he doesn't realize something important: his mother feared and hated Martha for a really stupid and horrible series of reasons and more or less sent her to Exile Farm in the hopes that he'd remember that he was still her little boy and to stay away from terrible little tramps who dress to impress instead of conceal like she didn't when she was a plastic flower child. Not that she admits to ever having interfered with a relationship that scared and angered her because she was her usual incurious self dealing with a terrible-by-nature surprise. When she isn't retroactively calling it puppy love that wasn't worth worrying about, she's probably telling herself that she sort of liked a girl she never cared to speak to because she knew what the little tramp would say for herself because she can't admit that she's the bitch here.
dreadedcandiru2: (Royally Peeved Candiru)
2017-09-22 08:10 am

Elly versus Martha: another battle in the War On Straw.

As we know, next week's misadventure in which Mike acts like a huge, swinging dick because Colin the paperboy laughed about the notes Lindy Ridgway wrote him.........I mean, Martha told her friends all that marching she and Mike by the lake shore and that somehow excluded and diminished him because he's a moron is the first instance in which an on-going threat to their relationship that isn't his being a vain twit first appeared. Said threat is, of course, Elly making a big, stupid, hysterical fucking deal over nothing because it's easier for her to panic and declare an inoffensive little girl an enemy than to be sane and decent. To me personally, the most telling example of this is we never see something that seems obligatory almost: Martha doing a formal meet-and-greet with John and Elly.

This interests me because while Mike would later go on to wail that it's cruel and unfair that he have to sit down and watch the hockey game with Wilf Sobinski because he's an ARTIST so what could he have in common with a guy who works in a hardware story, it was impressed upon Mike that if he's serious about someone, he has to meet her folks. He met with the McRaes, the Blums and the Sobinskis and it went as well as could be expected. What never happened is that Elly never seemed to want to extend to Martha the same courtesy she grudgingly extended to Rhetta and enthusiastically to Deanna for a stupid reason: Martha is a reminder that her default state is "head shoved up her fat arse." Since Elly couldn't be asked to pay attention to her children, someone who surprised her by, you know, EXISTING is the devil coming to ruin her family.

The reason that I mention this is that since Lizardbreath is sort of stupid and hasn't met a social norm she couldn't totally misunderstand in the most destructive means possible, this means that she has the idea that meeting someone's parents is something terrible to be avoided....especially if she can fly in a helicopter! WHEEEE!!!!!!!
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-13 08:53 am

Thou Shalt NOT Know, the 1988 (and also 2017) edition.

As we know, Michael acts like something out of the horrible romance novels and idiotic soaps that Lynn rotted her damned brain with in that he's a shitty, controlling boyfriend who feels threatened by the fact that Martha has friends and interests that aren't him. He pisses and moans and bullies and harasses Martha into giving up her friendship with Janice and Megan because he's a boring psycho who thinks that he's gotta be the bride at every funeral and the corpse at every wedding. What we lose sight of when watching him make a domineering, selfish asshole of himself is that not only does he have distinct trouble with the concept that she's a person in her own right, he has no idea who the fuck she is while his friends have known of her for years.

Since he's a shit-stupid Patterson with a severe case of "Head Up His Own Asshole", he's too damned busy worrying about the possibility of his being teased to realize what it means that Lawrence and Gordon ask him howcome he didn't tell them that Martha went to their school. If he thought about it at all, he'd probably think that she must have moved into town just to be near him because the dismal creep thinks along those lines. What he still to this day can't get through his thick fucking skull is that they were really asking "Hey, Mike!!! Howcome you didn't tell us that 'Camp Girlfriend Martha' is Martha McRae who lives on Duke Street North?! Tracey hangs out with her all the time!" because he's always going to be the dumbass who is confused and angered by the fact that an inert object he threw something at tricked him and turned into Brad Luggsworth. Knowing that they know of her older brother Stan is not something he can know because as a Pattersaint, he's kind of stupid that way.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-10 04:31 pm

It foobs the lotion on its skin: Lynn's stalking fetish.

I should think it's pretty safe to assume that to most of you, the phrase "creepy stalker" is something of a tautology. Even if the stalker means no harm, the fact that he or she doesn't seem to quite understand that he or she is violating his or her target's personal space isn't romantic as much as it an unsettling reminder that this person simply doesn't understand any sort of social norm. It's hard to trust or like someone who might not be aware that s/he comes across less as a love interest and more as a threat to one's person. When one remembers that the reason that Liz rejected Anthony and Howard Erk in turn because they were not model handsome, it would seem that perhaps Lynn does not quite understand this social norm herself.

We get something of proof of this when Michael shadows Martha and Rhetta in turn for days on end because he cannot work up the nerve to do what he thinks of as his rightful role and 'dominating' the relationship. Lynn would have us see him as a shy boy who's afraid of getting hurt. The reality is that his romantic life is hampered by the same mental infirmity that has him at odds with Elly: he's too blasted stupid and passive to think of what to do on his own but thinks that any woman who tells him what to do is out of line because he's supposed to be calling the shots 'cause he's got a penis.

This would be bad enough in and of itself had it not become the template for all relationships that we see. Eric, Warren, Paul and Anthony all stalked Liz and I'm pretty sure that if we were to take a look at the past, Elly would look back at her past and see a familiar gangly shape in the background of all manner of photos from before she was aware of John's existence.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-07 12:17 pm

Did you ever see a dream walking? Mike did.....

As we know, we're about to launch into the Mike And Martha Show in grim earnest soon enough. This is so that he can make a huge mistake and get his bowels in an uproar because his paranoia and stupidity make him see something that isn't there: someone who only pretended to like him so she could humiliate him in front of the frienemies he doesn't want to admit that he should never trust. While he learns exactly the wrong lesson from this, it behooves us to understand the root source of all of his and, by extension, all the other Pattersons' romantic problems.

We are pointed to this when we're made to see why it is that he thought that he was being humiliated in the first place: the fact that Martha thought that their involvement should actually be public knowledge instead of somehow hoarded to himself as if he's King Of Big Deal Freaking Mountain or something. Simply put, he was too in love with the fantasy of the two of them walking on the shores of Lake Kawkawa to really be able to deal with the actual person in real life. Since she insisted on dragging him out of his fantasy capsule, she was clearly trying to mess with his head and play games with him because the alternative is that he's a boneheaded little creep who made a big deal over nothing for a pants-on-head stupid reason. Heh. He should've sued her for definition of character!!!
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-04 08:49 pm

Unacknowledged visual defects amongst the Patterson women.

As I've said before once or twice, I think that a lot of Liz's struggle with grades was due to the fact that it took the Pattersons until she was nine or so to finally realize that she couldn't actually see very well. Well, not so much "notice" as it was "have it pointed out to them by an actually competent teacher actually looking out for Lizzie's best interest" but, well, we can't expect the Pattersons to notice stuff like that. Elly was too busy feeling sorry for herself, John's head was up his ass and Mike was too cool to lower himself to see what was going on around him.

The reason that I mention this is that I cannot remember a flashback with Marian that did not have her wearing corrective lenses. Why this is important is that most of the reason Elly hates what she sees in the mirror is that she sees her mother staring back at her every damned time. She hates the idea of becoming her mother because she's always going to be the cement-headed clodhopper who doesn't admit that she gets the belief that if she were to praise her children just once, they'd get complacent and sit down in a pile of their own filth and die because Mommy loves them FROM her mother. Admitting that she's got the same near-sightedness is not something she likes to do because she doesn't want to be ooooooooold. 
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-09-03 09:34 am

The motive rant that explains Mike and Martha

 From what little she's shared about her past that doesn't manage to contradict itself, it seems fairly obvious that back when she Lindy Ridgway, high schoo student, Lynn seems to have been something of a self-willed outcast seemingly content to hover at the periphery of the social scene because her one attempt at romance collapsed due to the absurdity of her flinging herself head-long at an older boy who simply wasn't in to her. Eventually, this leaks into the strip itself when Elly talks about how she wishes that she'd built up an immunity to the painful emotion of love after she told Connie about how she fell hard for this older boy, did a lot of stupid stuff to try to make herself more appealing and reacted like a bratty child when it became obvious that she'd transitioned from 'clingy annoyance' to 'bad joke'. 

The reason that I mention this is that Mrs Hormone Attack is giving us a play-by-play of this when she shows us Mike's abortive romance with Martha. As we'll see, he starts off feeling super-insecure when his fantasy appears to have the possibilty of coming reality only to make an ugly, stupid fool of himself blaming her for making him feel weird when it's possible that he might be exposed to public knowledge of his crush and thus public derision. He spends the next few years acting like she's the only person who does anything wrong despite it being obvious that he totally blew it and ends up feeling humiliated and bitter when she wants to pursue less damaging and selfish options. Eventually, he says that he made her up because he'd rather not face up to being a moron. This not only foreshadows all of Liz's clusterfuck romances, it probably accurately depicts Lindy's social life in the early sixties. 
dreadedcandiru2: (Disgusted Candiru)
2017-09-01 09:21 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine: Stepford Deanna.

 Now to continue on, let's remind ourselves of why that asshole Mike probably still thinks that dumping his stupid ass is why Martha is miserable. As we're about to see, the Delicate Genius To Be spent most of the autumn of 1988 caterwauling about how Martha had to choose between having a social life that might not include him sometimes and being a great gal and protecting a mincing little piece of shite from being exposed to the possibility of being teased. If I were a gambling man, putting down money on his still thinking that SHE was the one playing head games would be the safest bet I could make because he doesn't see himself as he is: a massive, flapping anus issuing forth one big, stupid and intimidating ultimatum after another. His smug whinnying about how she'd brought her misery on herself is thus akin to that poor man's Maynard G Krebs he calls "Uncle Phil" wishing Excedrin Headache Infinity on Connie because she expressed doubts about his cleansing agent. 

The reason that I mention this is that even after Mira and Wilf go to that big Crappy Tire in the sky, Deanna will still lash herself to the boring psycho out of a combination of the sunk cost fallacy and sheer God-damned inertia. Mike thinks that he's got himself a great deal because she doesn't do anything bad or silly or wrong like challenge his being a ginormous weeping dick to their daughter because of his stupid need to avenge himself on Martha and Rhetta for having emotional needs that can't be addressed by someone who can't see other people as being people. Anyone sane would see someone who's smilingly and smugly traded away her dignity and self-respect for a mess of pottage like Therese's Mommy. Unlike those lucky enough to escape the accretion disk of Mike's ego, she will end her days congratulating herself on spiting her mother by marrying out of her species. 
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-30 08:19 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine: The Children Of The Delicate Genius

 Before I get to getting into specifics about how I think that while Robin is pretty much allowed to do whatever he likes to because of a father who won't acknowledge his own misogyny and a mother probably in love with his knavishness, Meredith is warming up in the bullpen to become the next Elly because her asswipe parents are sitting on her for what they self-servingly regard as her own good, let's remind ourselves why Elly thought that Martha was bad news. As history teaches us, Elly's own dance card was left rather empty because:
  1. She never met a social norm she could wrap her head around so was just as blind to someone she knew who was crazy about her as Liz was to Anthony. Since she doesn't seem to have had any friends, no one was there to guide her destiny to its proper, Trash-Bag Johnny avoiding course.
  2. She instead chose to witlessly fling herself at a succession of older boys she stood no chance at all with.
  3. She was probably the Lizardbreath of her day and stomped down the hallways with a scowl as her umbrella wondering why people didn't care for the gloomy, irritable pain in the neck she WAS SO NOT!
  4. Aside from a brief plastic flower child phase engaged in so as to best mess with Marian's head, Elly's preferred style of dress was "stereotypical sexless spinster librarian" and she made the least of her looks.
  5. She managed to blame her flaws on pretty, popular girls who must have wanted her to die alone, unloved and forgotten despite what one of them said about how if she would smile more and stop acting as if the Sun was going out, she might actually have something of a chance and yes, Joey Simmonite WOULD swim through toxic waste for her.
Since she would rather have gulped down Joey Simmonite's toxic waste than admit that most of her romantic woes had a cause named Elly Richards, she took out her frustrations on a target of convenience with freckles and strawberry blond hair.

The reason that I mention this is that most of why Michael failed hideously as a boyfriend is that anyone with eyes to see knows that he came out of the gate looking for an excuse to moan that Martha didn't really love him at all and just pretended to so she could make a big fool of him. Rather than admit that he's still witlessly defaming her and still not realizing that his obsession with the idea that he should be this big, pathetic bag of nothing no one SHOULD love, it's quite clear that he's taking things out on Meredith because he thinks that whatever she's doing to some asshole even more cornball, pathetic and presumptuously entitled than Assthony or Gerund, she's doing the assbucket wrong. 

dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-29 10:25 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine: Mike is probably even worse by now.

As we know, we're about a half a month away from Mike thinking the wrong thing about Martha and her friends. While a regular dumb guy from the sticks would bear witness to her sharing the amazingly embarrassing love notes he wrote and probably shrug it off and mutter "girls" as if that explained everything, the narcissist pea-brain stood there having a meltdown about how she was 'really' only pretending to like him so she could laugh at his expense just like everyone else. Lynn alluded to how nuts that was by having him not realize that she's a damned sight more trustworthy and better for him than the likes of Pale Lawrence and Gordo but you can't cure stupid with anything that isn't a bullet to the tiny brain.

The reason that I mention this is that Mike kept on learning the wrong things from his kicking his love for her to death because the alternative is admitting that he's not a special little snowflake. What he learned is that women with friends who care about their own feelings are a bad thing that makes his life bad; this is why he married that damned doormat and it's why he's been slowly mutating into one of those cruel and self-absorbed patriarchs that envermin the Liographies. I should think that he's enforcing a double standard and simpering about how Meredith is upsetting the balance by having a spine because, as I said, the alternative is looking in the mirror and seeing a pile of manure who thinks that the world is terrible because he too has to do stuff he hates. Eventually, he will whizz on an electric fence to spite some woman who tells him not to.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-27 07:38 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine: on alcoves and Elly.

As you've no doubt noticed, the Patterson children seem bent on emulating some of the odder traits their parents have without really questioning them. This made them look and act far stupider than they were because, as I said, they grew up thinking that Elly's neuroses were how people behaved. The case in point I'd like to mention is Liz probably arguing in circles when people ask her why it was that it never occurred to her to bus or drive on down to London, Ontario to chill with Anthony if she was so fixated on maintaining their friendship back in Uni. Since she's fairly sheltered and since she noticed that Elly didn't ever visit Connie in Thunder Bay, she assumed that it was not her job to do something like that. It seems to have not occurred to her that Mommy Dimmest probably has it in her head that having that asked of her is some sort of humiliation, that leaving her home instead of having people come to her is some sort of defeat, as if she's expected to crawl on her belly and be cruelly mocked for wanting to stay in her own home.

This is why I expect that were we to look in on her now, we'd find her rattling around in what used to be Anthony's den feeling sorry for herself because not only has John died in a humiliating manner, she has no friends left because Annie, Connie and Carol are waiting out the clock somewhere warm and Elly simply can't go there on her own because that would mean that she's just this big fool that has to be yanked from place to place as if her opinion doesn't count. This adds to her unhappiness because for some reason, her children seem to have ganged up and decided that she simply cannot be trusted to look after herself. It angers her that they have fallen in line with their dead father and agreed that despite her belief otherwise, she needs to be around people in order to not to end up becoming the headline "Missing Area Woman Found Dead In Own Home."
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-26 08:26 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine: The Children Of Lizthony.

Before I begin my look at what I think is most likely happened in the nine years since we last saw the Patterson family, I'd like to remind you of Gordon's contribution to the War On Evil Career Women. Said contribution was to declare in all seriousness that Anthony tried to love Thérèse. What this meant in practice is somewhat obvious in retrospect: Anthony couldn't bring himself to love the woman he'd married because his mommy issues got in the way. It was clear that he wanted the hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome he felt he was cheated out of and since she offered a different vision of life, he couldn't be allowed to adapt. This is akin to how Connie tried to love Molly and Gayle but couldn't because they didn't find her immediately wonderful and how John tried to love his family but couldn't because they have free will.

The reason I talk about this is that it's quite likely that Françoise is back with her birth mother as I type this because Lizardbreath 'tried' to love her but found herself stymied at every turn by That Woman's child being 'difficult'. Given that Elizabeth never met a social norm she understood at all well and that she seems to be constructed not to connect how she behaves with how people react, it's pretty much a certainty that she's probably either growling in frustration or (more likely) yowling in pain that for some reason, that odd child doesn't understand who really loves her because of her rather selective interpretation of what an unfair objective observer who cruelly and selfishly inflicts the truth on her would see as her throwing her weight around like a dumb bully, trivializing her concerns, behaving as if it's a war crime if she 'upstages' a male by having a fucking brain and just generally being a carbon copy of her idiot mother.

As for James Allen, I should think that we're dealing with the worst of both worlds. He'd have the Pattersons' inability to shut his fat yap and listen and their inability to understand anything like a social situation and Assthony's being as stupid as a sack of hair. Much is probably being made of an alleged brilliance that primary consists of not having to wipe the drool off of his chin and his at least looking as if he understands what's being said to him.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-25 10:05 am

Settlepocalypse Plus Nine, Part One: Lizthony.

As I write this, I do so knowing that it's been pretty much nine years since the teal-and-lavender kitsch abomination wedding we call the Settlepocalypse. I also know that for her own reasons, Lynn seems to think that having the youngest of the children she started with get married off and have an elder drop the strip's title in her presence means that the story of the Pattersons has come to its end. The problem is that life keeps going on even if we stop paying attention to it so I have to speculate as to what the esoterically happy couple is doing right now.

My guess is, of course, that the annoying patterns of unhappy domesticity we came to expect from John and Elly are repeating themselves for the same reasons. As it was then, so it is now because the husband doesn't really respect the wife and is hard-wired to be incapable of ever seeing her as the person she really is while the wife stews in passive-aggressive rage because she cannot admit that she made a bad bargain. What's more, they're the same sort of lousy parents because the father only likes dealing with children when it's fun while the mother married before she was mature enough to take care of herself let alone young children. Also, since she's as dim and utterly oblivious to social norms as her own mother, we can expect that she too unhinges her jaws and yells at children because she takes their foul-ups too blasted seriously.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-22 08:13 am

The self-willed cluelessness of Lizardbreath.

As was pointed out to me, Mike is a rather reassuring phenomenon in his being a more or less realistic teen-aged boy who's totally clueless as to how to proceed with Martha. He doesn't understand why she and her friends go to the washroom in groups of three and explains it away by appealing to a stereotype, he's paranoid about her being attracted to other guys in his absence, he mostly thinks with his genitals and he tends to take her for granted because he's a regular dumb guy from the sticks.

We have to take a side trip to Pittsville, California to meet up with another reassuring stereotype in Luann De Groot. As we all know, she spent a lot of her teenaged years sitting in her room moping because she threw herself at a boy who just wasn't into anything female because she'd fixated on his appearance while not much wanting to understand the man within and interpreted his politely exiting an awkward moment as meaning that at sixteen, she was going to die a forgotten and unloved old maid.

The reason that I mention this is that she at least was aware of Gunther's feelings for her from the get-go and more or less dismissed him because he wasn't model handsome. This contrasts her with Lizardbreath because the dimwit seemed to make a point of not wanting to see what was right in front of her. This is not just Liz being herself and not noticing that she's not as self-aware as she likes to think she is. This seems to be Liz being so in love with the image of not having anyone attracted to her that she had to reject the evidence of her senses because it didn't fit her reality.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-20 07:38 am

The Defriendening Of Lawrence Poirier.

As we all know, the Mike of the Early Years acted like a real weirdo when Lawrence got dragged off to Thunder Bay because his idiot mother didn't want to face what she expected would be the derision and scorn of the masses for her self-induced plight. While a regular person would note that the beige kid had moved away, shrugged and become insta-friends forever with the kid with glasses, Mike acted like a teenaged girl moping because "You Don't UNDERSTAND, MOTHER!! You're OLD and you've forgotten what Love IS!!!!" had left for Uni and more or less declared they were on break; this off-kilter take on childhood friendships plodded mercilessly on with the two of them acting like lovers who'd almost forgotten each other after Connie moved back in with a rich husband to wave in the faces of men who'd moved on and forgotten her, thanks loads.

The reason that I mention this is that despite the fact that the Michael of 2017 still probably thinks of Lawrence as his friend instead of Liz's, the plain fact is that after Martha enters the picture, their friendship is effectively at an end. In a heart-beat, he turns into bosom pal who Mike can't live without into one of the following three things:

  1. An immature jerk trying to drag Mike back down into being a useless, irresponsible single person instead of someone good trying to make his way in the world the only acceptable way by impressing a female contemporary.
  2. A rival for Martha's affection.
  3. Mike's token gay friend who Mike is as warm to as Connie and Greg are for much the same reason.

Anyone who hurts Lynn's feelings by paying attention to continuity is probably going to note that after 1 September 1988, the role of Mike's actual best friend stops being 'beige kid from next door' Lawrence and starts being Gordon "Stumbling Idiot Wingman" Mayes because he also wants to make his mark and be a husband instead of a boy.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-18 09:03 am

Nobody I choose to acknowledge likes me.

Of course, Michael isn't the only one undergoing a sea change in the next year. We know that adding a female contemporary in the mix to impress turns him from a dim-witted accepter of foolish dares into a clueless but better-behaved moron boyfriend. Lizzie starts to mutate into Liz in about five months' time when she declares that she looks stooooopid and ugly and because of that, no one can or should like her. As I've said before, the strip that explains why this might be is the one in which, after having her hair braided and receiving compliments from a lot of friendly people who like her hair that way, she tearfully takes them out and wailed that everyone everywhere tore her down because Random McAssbucket made the same sort of massive flapping anus of himself Trash Bag Johnny did when, after cheerfully insulting her to show her who's boss, declared that she was too young to feel good about who she was as a person.

What this tells us is that Liz is one of those horribly depressing people we all have to deal with in our lives: the person who needs to feel like an ugly monster no one should like and who seeks out damaging idiots who make her feel like shit so she can be proven right about how hideous she is. The Liz Pattersons of the world can't allow themselves to listen to advice from people who wanna help them or take honest compliments seriously because to do that would mean that the looming shapes of malice in their lives that can't fucking get over having a kid sister, asswipe fathers who get to decide when she can feel good and mothers who see her as a rival for her husband's affections aren't worth powder and shot and certainly aren't worth marrying Blandthony for.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-14 07:21 am

On the naming of THEM.

The very interesting thing about the looming "adolescent children are always upset over nothing at all" thing we're about to be subjected to is that we're about to deal with a grievance that baffles me as much today as it did twenty-nine years ago. We're introduced to said confusing casus belli when Martha says her name in a mocking tone of voice and starts screaming about how an old lady name that belonged to someone who's dead doesn't at all suit her. This leads Michael to grouse about how he's gotta be named after some old person he never met either and how that clearly means that parents decide to name their children things to ruin their lives.

As I sit here and wonder exactly how fruitless it would have been to try to get the nitwits to explain what the Hell their folks were supposed to name them and why they'd still be the same dreary clodhoppers living the same dismally boring existences were their names Tyler and Britney, it occurs to me that we're dealing with the same sort of messed up logic that informs Mike's over-reaction to the discovery that Elly used to play guitar in public. As we're about to see in about a years' time, his unreasonable reasoning is

1) Mom used to go out in public and do things.
2) Said things will get me teased if they're discovered.
3) Therefore, she must have done them to get me teased because the alternative is understanding that she couldn't be asked to care about the social standing of someone who didn't exist at the time.

because of

4) Mike is too stupid to understand that the not yet born don't get a vote.

This means that instead of adhering to a cultural norm in order to conform, their parents were deliberately trying to hurt them because the alternative is admitting to being stupid and vain. It's like how they'll probably grow up to assume the same thing Elly does: children only pretend to have feelings to wreck their parents' lives.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-12 10:39 am

How not to teach a moral lesson.

As the recent plot arc teaches us, Mike didn't learn a bloody thing from last year's botched voyeurism arc that wasn't "don't get caught next time" because pompous nitwit John dropped the ball when it came time to respect things like the privacy and feelings of other people. We know that John is the worst possible person to handle that little chore because by now, they've probably slammed the crematorium door on the feet of a pompous goof who thought of women as objects.

The reason that I mention this is that he was aided and abetted in his campaign to trivialize the concerns of those who might not wish to be ogled by a slobbering pile of gaucheness and douchebaggery: a wife who sees anything else female as a competitor for the affections of whatever male she happens to be fixated on at any given time. As I have said more times than I like, Elly is convinced that the women John ogle want to be slobbered over because she fears being tossed aside. Factor in her unswerving belief that other women are using evil mind powers to somehow cause her innate self-loathing and it's clear why Mike is only really going to get yelled at for the injury to her reputation. She might invoke the names of the people he'd have gone BOING to but she wouldn't really mean it and it would be so obvious, even a moron like him would see it.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-09 10:29 am

Running from the family: why Deanna wins.

The interesting thing about Martha is that when we finally get to see her family, they're presented as being an unpalatable horde of freaks. Mr McRae is a fool-hardy and chauvinistic jerk who doesn't listen to his wife, Mrs McRae is a shrew, older brother Stan is a snotty and boorish jerk who insults Mike and Martha herself is a passive little thing who likes to pretend that she's more forceful a person than she actually is. As I sit here reading what I just wrote and asking myself "How are they not the Patterswine?", I remind myself of the one thing that really and truly makes Martha unfit to be Michael's significant other: her love and respect for HER family. This seems to be a running theme in the strip: for a love interest to be worthy of a Patterscion, he or she must loathe his or her family and love John and Elly.

This tendency to reject people who respect their own families when they should bow down and worship their Patteroverlords is also why Rhetta is really the windshield Mike got splatted on. After all, she is voluntarily working for her own parents instead of rebelling against their cruel tyranny of denying John and Elly their every little whim so she's the same sort of bad news Constable Paul "No, calling him the beau who left too many arrows isn't racist" Wright is. If they were good people who are worth love and affection, they'd reject their families and want to love John and Elly like DeeDoormat does.

The apex of this occurred nine years ago when Elly blurted out that Anthony's never to be seen step-mother is a great one because she defers to Elly on every damned thing. Had the strip continued, we'd have to endure Elly wringing her hands at the misery April was bringing on herself by chasing a country boy who couldn't possibly make her happy because, you guessed it, he thought of his mom and dad as being positive influences in his life.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
2017-08-08 07:44 pm

The dread of competence and what it means for Martha.

The irritating thing about this whole damned mess with the girls' shower is that the closest Elly actually seems to come to inflicting sanctions on Mike is blowing up in his face when he makes the mistake of assuming that he can talk to her like she's a peer or some damned thing. This is because the last time he gave in to his throbbing biological urges towards age-inappropriate voyeurism, his punishment was to be allowed to come and go as he pleased but be told that he was grounded all the same. If a punishment is inconsistent and doesn't have teeth, nothing can be learned.

This is why it's sort of a good thing that Mike does have a girlfriend to try to actually impress. He's never for long without female companionship and he always behaves better when he's in a relationship with a girl than he ever was when the only woman in his life was toothless old Elly and her non-effectual non-punishments. When one takes this into consideration and one looks ahead to her filling the head of a mind still desperate for proof that she actually loves him with gibberish about family politics and how generosity has a price because she has an instinctive dread of Mike figuring out that he actually likes the Sobinskis more than he does her, we can start to maybe see what all this garbage about scheming twelve-year old gold-diggers comes from. I should think that it comes from the mind of a panicky asshole who lives in fear of her son realizing that most of his life has been spent trying to please an incompetent numbskull.