Elly Patterson: MonsterMommy of the year

Now, you know and I know that Michael is an insufferable and juvenile nitwit, bullying lout of an older brother, neglectful son (not to mention GRANDson [He don'wanna catch old people germs.]) , [boxcar]-poor husband, remote father and sniveling dolt, moaning piteously about having to suffer the least inconvenience. Why did Elly not nip his tendencies towards meatballism in the bud, you ask? Simple. She secretly wants him to be a goofola. She likes his blind, hateful arrogance and worships his varletry. WHY in God's name does she do that? 'Cause even someone as clueless as Elly can see that he'll always be racing around bouncing from a series of self-induced crises and need a sympathetic ear: HER ear. Her idiot vanity will not allow her to let Mikerobe GROW UP, because that means he'll GROW AWAY from her. This also explains her delight that her daughter is incapable of defining herself as an autonomous human being, seemingly condemned to become a Stepford wife to a clammy invertebrate. She never bothered or had the intention to plumb the depths of the soul of one Eleanor Patterson (née Richards) in her fifty-five years on this planet, preferring to define herself as wife and mother. This is why she dismissed her parents' disappointment with her dropping out of Uni when she and John got hitched as annoying and irrelevant. She doesn't care how hard they had to work or they money they invested to get her an education; she only went there to meet Mr. Right. Her over-identification with media imagery and peer pressure convinced her that she had to settle down and raise a family, despite her manifest failure as wife and mother. Her only real success in her preferred sphere is that of cook and chamber-maid. This also explains their inability to tidy up after themselves: like a lot of woman her age I've met, she gets awfully territorial about her housework.