Shrieking at pee revised: a prediction fulfilled.

As we all know, one of the most entertaining facets of life in the Patterson household was seeing just how unprepared for pet ownership Elly was. She never seemed to know what she was supposed to do because she grew up without having any sort of pet. Her interactions with them all had a current of angry shock running through them. This, it seemed to me, is one of the things Lynn would be most eager to correct if she were given the chance. If shhe could somehow be allowed to revisit the past, we'd see that all the times that Elly did that were pretty much exceptions to a rule. Just as she didn't really spend all her time heaving coffee cups at John or screaming because Mike insisted on acting like a child, she'd be depicted as bring a more responsible pet owner. Now that we're here in Retcon country, it seems as if my prediction is coming true. Just as the woman who simply moved the dirt around was replaced by a domestic superwoman, the woman who never got that Farley wasn't a person in a dog suit will be replaced by a super pet-owner whose reluctance to get a puppy was based less on cleaning after him and more on fears for her infant daughter;s safety. Lynn, you see, must make the imperfect but more sympathetic Pattersons of old in the image of the Mary Sues that populated the strip in the Declining Years.

John: Father of Pattersnarfing......

It isn't just Elly's bizarre way of thinking of food that helped instill wretched eating habits in her family. Her husband was also preprogrammed with the archaic notion that sensible portions of less fatty foods is a form of punishment. This sort of thinking persisted during the run of the strip; an example thereof is his referring to his intention of swallowing down a candy called "Goo-Balls" as a reward for eating a sensible meal. Not only did he think of pile-high helpings of greasy food as part of the good life, he had no imagination when it came to what he shoved down his throat. He meant it when he said he could happily eat the same damned thing for dinner night after endless night. The inflexibility of mind required to have that great a love of the predictable tells me that he's not right in the head. Since he's a lunatic sick with OCD and possibly paranoia, his family grew up to live to eat and not eat to live.