The Twilight of the Pizzamakers: Mr Winkerbean cashes his check

[dreadedcandiru2]

As I said when I first started talking about the Batiukverse, Funky isn't doing so well lately; he started Phase Three looking as if he was on top of his game but, well, it was sort of obvious that there were hard times ahead. I first realized that Funky was headed for a fall when he started blathering about what a big deal he was; that's because I remembered that Lisa's fatal brush with cancer was preceded by her boasting about how she was cancer-free. Simple as paper, Batiuk has it in for people who tempt fate. Let's see the four avenues of failure in Funky's life:

1. He fails primarily as a business man; I remember reading the exercise in boasting that was his interview with a trade publication and thinking "Does this guy even know how to run a restaurant?" Not only did he malign the man who gave him his start in life, he smirkingly told the interview the secrets to his illusory success: practices that would have made the business fail in a good economy and thus deprive him of a fall-guy to pass the buck to.
2. He also fails as a husband and father; what I see when I look at Funky is a dry drunk who can't find it within himself to provide his wife and stepson with what they really need: his emotional support.
3. He fails as a cousin: When Wally came home last year, Funky treated him like something he dug out of his ear; the man could have wound up killing himself or lighting up the paper boy for all Fat Boy knew.
4. He even fails as a friend to Les; instead of his being the chief source of support in his pal's life, he takes a back seat to Bull and Crazy Harry.

What bothers me the most, of course, is his need to deflect blame; he didn't destroy Montoni's as a franchise because he witlessly exposed himself to a loss when the franchises went kablooie or because he sold frozen pizza or because he let stores that could have thrived collapse so he could prop up his money-losing New York operation: it was the banks that did him in. At least when Cranky grouses about how bad his life was, he didn't do it to himself.