dreadedcandiru2: (Default)

Since it’s about eleven years or so since Liz screamed WAIT!!!!!! at a computer because her ‘friend’ Anthony needed a ‘friend’ in his hour of self-inflicted need (as well as being eleven years since she got all defensive about having any sort of role in the break-up of his marriage), it behooves us to remind ourselves that not only does she not want to admit that even if she herself didn’t intend to do anything to mess up Therese’s life, her intentions have the same weight as anyone’s when the shit hits the fan. The phrase I like to use when I want to describe how much her not wanting to be seen as a homewrecker actually means is “sweet dick all” because a person is what she does, not what she wants to do.

It means even less when you consider a second fact she’d prefer not to face: part of her wanted to see Therese die in a cancer fire for ‘stealing’ a friend from her. She doesn’t want to admit to being a jealous pinhead who thinks that the only friend someone has should be her because that makes her a bad person but the thing exists no matter what she tells herself. This means that she doesn’t want to admit that it delights her that this woman crashed and burned because she dared to make her feel bad about being a graceless nitwit who thought that social norms that got in her way should be abolished. She mouths pious gibberish about her being a casualty of horrible parenting but the honest fact is that we’re dealing with an immature twerp who doesn’t want to admit that she has negative impulses.

dreadedcandiru2: (Indignant Candiru)
As we know, we're just about to watch Elly work herself into another unnecessary lather because she, despite yearning to forbid it so as to save the world from CHAOS!!!, signed off on Mike having a slumber party. The reason she wanted to prevent Mike from doing this allegedly terrible thing is that she can't wrap her fool head around the idea of children doing something they like without her being trod into the mud and sneered at. The reason she gave everyone else is that Lizzie wasn't allowed to make an intrusive annoyance of herself; this manifested itself as John promising Lizzie that she too would either host or participate in one one day. The reason that we never saw one is that Lynn can't be bothered to keep track of plot threads and simply forgot it.

The problem is that, despite her earnest belief that it should not happen, people do keep track of what's supposed to happen and want to invent explanations that aren't "Lynn forgot." For instance, we could say that Elly was so traumatized and insulted by the minor shenanigans Mike and his pals inflicted on her that she was firmer about rejecting Lizzie's pleas to let her friends over for a night. The problem with that is that we know that April eventually gets to get yelled at for the horrible crime of depriving her parents of too much sleep. What this means in terms of the character is that John and Elly notice something that Liz doesn't want to face: she's a standoffish, possessive, clingy and sullen little twerp who thinks that she's the only friend her friends are allowed to have and thus doesn't have the same family of friends Mike and the Martian do thereby rendering a sleepover into having Dawn Enjo over for the night.
dreadedcandiru2: (Default)
The interesting thing about looking ahead a year is that while Mike remains rather consistent in character, Lizzie finally turns into Elizabeth on us. This is because we're no longer dealing with the timid little girl clinging tenaciously to her mother's legs in hopes that by doing so, she can be saved from the Looming Shape Of Random Imbecile Malice that STILL haunts the grown woman's nightmares. Instead, we're dealing with a moody, passive and oblivious little girl who's obsessed with the notion that the reason no one seems to like her is that she's too ugly to be liked.

The interesting thing about the flare-ups of this anxiety is that they're always accompanied by two annoying things. The first annoying thing is hypocrisy about how she doesn't need to be so hung up on her physical appearance by the oblivious twerp mother she's busy mutating into. The second annoying thing is that we get a reminder of something Liz is too blistering stupid to notice or admit to: the fact that she's a moody, scowling jerk who refuses to let people on her damned island because they don't feed an ego so monstrous, it makes Michael look like the personification of self-effacing abnegation.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
Of course, there's a holiday tradition whose purpose baffles most outsiders and, for reasons I'll get into shortly, someone who should know about this: the secret anniversary of Mike and Deanna. As it stands now, Deanna is always going to be too afraid of her mother's reaction to pretty much being made the victim of a well-meaning scam to be honest about the difference between the wedding for the heart and the scam wedding for show and also for settling down the olds. This, of course, will obtain so long as Mira is alive to threaten the Patterson family with her evil family politics. When Mira finally passes on, Mike and Deanna will start celebrating their real anniversary in late December; not only will this be portrayed as a victory for love over materialism and selfishness and falsehood, it will also afford them to cackle in triumph at a fallen enemy.

The Great Big Problem is that while Gordon, Tracey, Elly, John, Connie, April and Jim know that Mike and Dee really got married in December, Liz does not. As far she she knows, their anniversary is in September and celebrates their freedom from the irrational rages of Mike's horrible mother in law. The reason why they didn't tell her relates to her angry reaction to Mike pretty much nailing it as to why she wanted to intrude on Anthony's first marriage. Just as she didn't like being told that she wanted to barge in like a vindictive idiot and call attention to herself and humiliate the evil French person who gave a clingy irritatant who thinks that the world owes her a living because she's cute her right name, she will feel all kinds of betrayed because no one saw fit to tell a chatty, easily offended annoyance a secret she simply couldn't have kept.

As you will recall, Liz hates Mike because he saw a truth she didn't want to face. What this tells me that Liz will hate the person who tells her the truth about herself for life and beyond. How dare this horrible person come along and tell her that she would certainly have been so enraged that something underhanded was going on that she would cause an argument that would take years to fix. How dare this person come along and say that no one trusted her to shut her mouth and how dare this horrible child who keeps her from being the baby bring up all the times when she shot off her fat yap. Rather than admit that she's a loose cannon who doesn't understand the delicacy of a self-imposed calamity, she's going to spend years trying to get April to admit that a loose-lipped idiot who can't shut her face can be trusted with secrets. This despite the fact that it's very likely that one of the first things she did when April graduated was to run her mouth about the time Gerald tried to get to second base while she was supposed to be babysitting. 
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As I said the other day, it seems to me that about the only thing that is going to force Michael to finally admit that he wasted years of his life resenting Liz for hogging Elly's attention is the post-Elly realization that it wouldn't really have been forthcoming even if Liz were never part of the equation. Once there is no Elly around for him to yell "LOOKIT ME, MAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" to, he's going to finally sort of realize that he'd made an ugly fool of himself and poisoned the well with someone he could have been friends with for a stupid and unworthy reason. We can thus look forward to a stumbling and idiotic attempt to try to have the sibling bond his toxic need to do something futile and irritating denied him.

This will probably not go as well as he'd hope at first because of Liz's instinctive need to cling to a surrogate of Elly's ankle in order to protect herself from a looming shape of idiot malice. It will probably take years of her suspecting his lunk-headed, regular-dumb-guy-from-the-sticks attempt to try to make up for being a dickhole before she admits that she gave as good as she got as soon as she could outrun the dumb bastard. It'll take longer before she admits that they were fighting for the same worthless prize.

What this means is that in the long run, Elly will finally get children who don't blow up into a big ball of violence over every little thing. She just has to die so that the need to be loved the best won't spark off the mindless mangling. Chee! Elly's transition from entity to object does seem to solve a lot. As I'll show you tomorrow, it'll even make John a faithful husband who appreciated what she did and how much she sacrificed.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As we know, the Lizzie of the Early Years was sort of a dumber, shriekier and more timid clone of Sally Brown from Peanuts. Now that we're at the point where she's becoming a person in her own right instead of simply an unreasonable facsimile of some other person, it behooves us to take a look at who that person is.

The first thing that we notice about the Lizzie who attends Grade School is that she's as much an outcast as Michael is but for a different reason. Instead of being a wise-ass who is too blasted stupid to realize that all his being eager to do any fool thing just makes the cool kids feel even more contempt for him than they already had, Lizzie's natural timidity, possessive nature and sheltered upbringing mean that she's pretty much on the outside looking in when it comes to the social order.

The problem is that she shares an unhappy tendency with Elly: the tendency to blame her outward appearance for the fact that her life isn't as happy as it should be. We know for a fact that Lizzie used to be able to trade on her looks to get what she wanted and when people stopped scurrying around like mice and no one was told to let her win because she's a cutie, Lizzie simply can't hack it. Rather than accept the fact that despite being appealing in a sort of wan, clunky way that she can't bat her eyelashes or whine her way to success, she thinks that if she were pretty again, life would go back to normal.

Not, of course, that she admits to herself that that's what she's doing. The Liz who looked as if she might break free of home set herself on the teal-and-lavendar trajectory of repeating the mistake Elly made when she blew her stack because someone Franco-Ontarian accused her of consciously doing so.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
The interesting thing about the website as it stood ten years or so ago was that people could actually ask the characters things and get an answer written in character. The reason that I mention this is that most, if not all, of the e-mails submitted had to do with warning Liz that Eric was a cheating cheater who cheats; since the answer was, as I said, written in character, the letters written before she caught him in the act were the same sort of pious refusal to see the situation as it was that we had to endure in her letters and in the strip and the letters after shrill bullhuckey about how everyone is a fink who refused to warn her so we could see her suffer. The form her pea-brained refusal to admit that she isn't paying attention to her surroundings generally seemed to take was idiotically bleating about how she didn't own the philandering shnook. The reason that I mention this is that the soap opera Lynn wanted to make of Phil's relationship with Georgia opened up with her saying that no, she didn't own Phil and would have ended up with her sitting in the church wondering why all the selfish people never cared to warn her about the obvious. Good thing that Joan was made of stern enough stuff to gently discourage Lynn from destroying her strip and everyone else's life in the name of a drama no one needed.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
Now that we're pretty much at the point where Georgia first becomes aware of the fact that Elly and the others have been aware of a scrawny, flat-chested woman with eyeglasses and chianti-red hair that comes out of a bottle for quite some time, I think it behooves us all to compare this to a certain slow-speed atrocity that consumed the first decade of this century: the Settlepocalypse. The commonality that sticks out like a sore thumb is stupid and useless John stupidly assuming that Phil is simply dating Georgia while he and Connie walk down the aisle like Elly wants them to. It doesn't matter that neither Connie nor Elly want that any longer; what matters is that John is too stupid to understand that flames can die out and that Phil was simply someone Connie had "fun" with while waiting on Ted. Once it got to be too clear that Ted would always chicken out when it came to talk weddings, Phil also became a non-starter and thus given Milborough's shallow dating pool, a change of venue was needed. When you contrast Connie's willingness to cut her losses with Lizardbreath's sheer stupidity, the older equivocating nitwit with the daddy issues comes out a clear winner.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As you know, there's a good reason Mike's grades were poor that doesn't involve a complete incapacity to understand basic arithmetic and a lack of any real help from his parents: his need to draw attention of any sort to himself to compensate for the lack of positive attention he gets at home. Lizzie has that same problem but, as I said before, brings a different set of problems to the table. As we're going to spend most of the Middle Years finding out, the baffled, blank-eyed frown I think of when I hear or see her name reminds us that we're not just dealing with a timid, passive person who doesn't like making waves even when it would help her. We're also dealing with someone who sort of lets the point of everything drift just inches over her head. As we see here, she only just barely listens to what other people are saying and proceeds to make a bit of a fool of herself in the process. What's more, she doesn't even own her being a poor fit for mandatory education like her ugly brother does; instead, she assumes sight unseen that her teachers are out to destroy her because they haaaaaaaate her.

The last strip I linked to, sadly, tells us the real problem that kept her from excelling at the level she should have: parents who are too stupid and useless to take her to an eye doctor to get her corrective lenses until it became too damned obvious that she's near-sighted. If she'd have not passively sat on her rump squinting away because it was too scary to tell Mommy how fuzzy everything looked for all those years and if her jerk parents hadn't waited until she was nine to ask "Why does Lizzie hold books so close to her face?", she might have actually got somewhere scholastically.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As we all know, Liz's reaction to her parents deciding she'd had enough cuddling so could she please go away and stop trying to drain Mommy's substance is to think that the World is a terrible place that wants her to die alone. In her childhood dreams, I should think that she would be on her spinster's death-bed being laughed at by people for daring to want to be loved and be given attention. Add in a media that shows her imagery of cruel, heartless schemers who seek to destroy the happiness of innocents because they aren't worthy of male companionship and need to learn their place and it becomes rather obvious that Liz sees herself as the star of a telenovela in which she's an underdog being cruelly afflicted by monster rich women who spent their time monologuing about how mousy little non-entities like her should just sit back and accept their spinsters' graves.

What makes her innate and almost genetically hard-wired feeling of inadequacy worse is that she's lousy at picking up on social cues. Not only did a long-undiagnosed visual impairment mean that she never learned to read facial reactions at all well, Elly's need to sentimentalize a really hoorible time in a human being's life and fear of being bereft of purpose led her to get locked out of pretty much every loop. Add in how Elly isn't really good at giving advice and you can see why Liz really never twigged to what was going on around her. She doesn't know how to read body language and she sucks at looking at the big picture because her mother is letting her own issues get in the way of being a mother. She thus turned to a 'convenient' source of good advice: network television. The problem is that the goggle box is just as bad a parent as Elly and just as likely to fill impressionable minds with mush-headed ideas.

This isn't just why Candice and Dawn had to sit her down and explain that Anthony didn't just happen to show up places where she was because he announced his intention in a way not thought of in the philosophy of Zack Morris. It isn't just why she didn't see that Eric was a player until it was too late. It isn't just also why she didn't admit that the people of Mtigwaki weren't lovers of adultery because they didn't want to get involved in a domestic because they ain't stupid. It's pretty much all the reason why she still sees Thérèse as a soap opera monster who spends her days clubbing seals and plotting the ruin of plain Janes because that's just what people who make Liz feel inadequate DO.

The real reason for this need to see Thérèse as a soap opera monster plotting her ruin is because that made more sense than her rival being....well....her!!! As Anthony's Liography clearly indicates, what Liz will always see as an irrational monster who hates her for no other reason that being a bad person is pretty much a Franco-Ontarian Lizardbreath trying her damnedest to prove herself to her own bloated vermin parents owing to coming a distant second place to a son who was never born at all. Her major malfunction is that she sees a passive little thing like Liz as being a manipulative man-eater who wants HER to die alone and unloved and to laugh at HER misery because she looks like someone who's got everyone fooled into thinking she's harmless because that's how cruel people who want people to die alone operate. Right now, as we speak, the poor woman is telling her boyfriend about the blonde monster with the rich dentist daddy who has a whole town wrapped around her finger just like on TV! Why, she even managed to turn Thérèse's own child against her, she's that devious and selfish!!

Thus does the trick box amplify the horror caused by the narcissism of minor differences. Liz and Thérèse would have found it hard to get along in the first place because they reminded each other of what they most hate about themselves. A medium that proves the worst just made a bad situation far worse.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As we all know from Lynn's "Please, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!! love Anthony" letter, the reason that we were supposed to bow down and worship Anthony is that John and Elly are familiar with him. As [livejournal.com profile] clio_1 pointed out, they honestly believe that they cannot know someone that they didn't first encounter when he was six years of age who wasn't the same race, background, income level and so on and so forth. This fear of newcomers is not only why they will never permit themselves to show the least bit of sympathy to the scary and weird career woman Thérèse whose motives are as evil, selfish and wrong as they are totally indecipherable, it's why they can't permit themselves to see Paul or Warren as possibly being good enough for Liz.

The odd thing about this all is that while Liz does allow herself to let their judgment have more sway than is proper, there are questions that she simply could not allow herself to face when she and Anthony guessed that they were engaged.

The first question that she doesn't want to know the answer to is "Do Mom and Dad have any faith in my ability to decide for myself what's best for me?" It seems to me that rather than spend overly much time dealing with the very real possibility that her parents think that she's too stupid to be allowed to guide her own destiny and will always get it wrong because of her lack of a Y chromosome, she pushes the worry down to fester inside somewhere.

The next question is "Do I actually know what love is or am I just kidding myself because I need to justify my stupid decisions?" This one practically answers itself because she was brought up by stupid people to not respond to obvious social cues and needs to have some way of shielding herself from the realization that she's a colossal screw-up. This protects her from the realization that she might have guided her own destiny by doing and saying the wrong thing.

This leads to a far more troubling question: "Did I misjudge Anthony's ex-wife merely because she makes me feel uncomfortable?" The reason that's a question she doesn't want to ask herself is that it leads to the horrifying realization that she really doesn't know anything about her own motivations and thus cannot be so quick to assign character traits to others.

The biggest question she doesn't want to deal with is "Do my parents actually have my best interests at heart or are they just guiding my destiny for their own selfish purposes?" The reason that she doesn't want to know the answer is that it's obvious as anything that the latter alternative is correct. When I make my asinine comments about how John and Elly want to marry Mayes Motors, what I mean is that John clearly intended to use Liz as a club to beat Gordon over the head with should the man try to make any sort of decisions that would either frighten or inconvenience a moronic, soft, weak and entitled boomer imbecile who thinks the world owes him a living because he doesn't get his way all the damned time. John and Elly have never really loved their kids because they're incapable of the emotion; what they love is the power they have. Liz can't face that so she shuts down emotionally most of the time.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
Of course, being a suggestible clodhopper who never learns from his mistakes seems to come naturally to our boy Mikey. He is, after all, the child of a woman who never quite understood that her idiotic refusal to stop fussing over the Lizzie of the Early Years is as directly responsible for her becoming the frowning, blank-eyed and baffled mess of the Middle Years with the laser-like focus on alleged flaws and refusal to admit that she could be loved as is John's stupid inability to see that his being an insensitive clod matters. As a recent strip shows us, Lizzie is starting to resist Elly's tendency to be a big freaking show-off by trying to turn her into a God-damned kewpie doll. While the dough-headed woman in the ponytail seems to think that her baby is rejecting all the love in Mommy's great big heart and trying to keep her from expressing herself because she HATES her poor mother who only wants to be recognized and so on and so forth, anyone capable of seeing through a child's eyes would tell you that we're dealing with a small child who doesn't want to be pawed at by a clumsy oaf who acts as if she doesn't have nerves. This is why when Liz started to dress herself, she started to aggravate her block-headed mother by dressing in a nondescript manner so as to avoid Mommy making the cooing noise of appreciation that she associates with pain. The problem is that while she wished to avoid the awkward feeling Elly's approval brought, she still expected to be fussed over by all and sundry and developed a feeling of inadequacy because she was no longer the center of attention. Fold in the default feeling of negativity that seems to be encoded in Elly's DNA and the accompanying need to focus solely on the bad while discounting the good and it's kind of no wonder we're going to be spending the next fourteen years or so watching Liz look at a mirror and declare herself to be too ugly and stoopid looking to be allowed out in public.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
As we all know, Liz seems to be the only Patterson not aware that Mike and Deanna got married thirteen years ago today. I would opine personally that it's more likely that Anthony is in the loop than Sistwirp ever will be. This is because I remember something that Lynn would rather not have us face: Liz is far more likely to scream about how unforgivable it is that this has all been kept from her than Mira is. As I've said in the past when this comes up, I tend to think of Mira as being something of a well-intentioned rhinoceros. She clearly seems to want the best for everyone but since she tends to be overly forceful and doesn't actually know who she's actually trying to help, the end result of her generosity is always a bit disappointing. To that end, she wanted to supply both children with a big wedding she felt for sure they'd need. It was with that in mind that Deanna thought that the best course of action was to tell a white lie in order to keep the peace. While it's true that Mira would be disappointed and angry for the longest time, we'd eventually see a sort of rapprochement between the two women were the truth to emerge.

This is not the case in Liz's case. Liz impresses me as being a very simplistic thinker who doesn't really understand what's going on around her. As I said before, I always assume that should Liz actually find out what really happened thirteen years ago, she's not going to see that Deanna had mixed motives. She's not going to care that Deanna felt like a puppet or that she wanted to spare her mother's feelings. She's going to care that she herself was lied to and treated like someone who couldn't be trusted. Does it matter that they had to keep her quiet so that she wouldn't blab? Does it matter that April is better at keeping secrets? No. What's going to matter is that they made a fool out of her because they don't trust her.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
Of course, John and Deanna's crooked little game of family politics and the resultant real estate shenanigans didn't just affect Mike, Elly and April. Liz too had her life messed up somewhat. While I do make somewhat of a meal of the fact that most of why she didn't want to leave home until she pretty much had to was that she didn't want to write rent checks to Mike, that isn't really what motivated her. As this section of one of her retcons:

I think I'll be spending my March Break looking for a different place to live. I'm looking forward to the time off, but I'd like to be out of the house and on my own again. Since Mike, Dee and the kids moved in, this place hasn't been the quiet refuge I'm used to. I love my niece and nephew, but kids all day at school and kids bouncing about at night have made me less than pleasant. In fact, I'm downright grouchy!

attests, Lizardbreath shares her father's need to have a cozy little alcove somewhere where she can reign supreme and not be disturbed by small children, pets, picky-faced siblings or parents who don't see that she's a grown woman. The sad thing is that she stupidly allowed herself to be talked into renting out the sort of basement apartment that was never really going to be April's Sweet Suite anyway so she ended up repeating the pattern of being the slobby daughter to old people. As for now, she's had about, ohhhh.....five years of bouncing children underfoot to sour her mood so so much for that. My guess is that she's currently making the same sort of 'Did we ever thank you?' comment that Elly made to Marian and getting a different answer. Marian might have been a bit of a stickler but I don't think that she was trolling for compliments like Elly is.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
The odd thing about having the third generation being exposed to the paranoia, rage and entitlement of the second is that people would foolishly expect better of Lizardbreath because she's a teacher. It would amaze them that someone whose job it is to deal with kids would do the same sort of crappy job of it that Elly does. What they would forget is that Liz is a teacher in a comic strip. It seems to me that the best example of what a teacher in a comic strip is is either Mr Fogarty or Miss Phelps from the Comic Strip "Luann". Given that Fogarty is a tweedy, balding, humorless, clueless and unsympathetic drone with glasses that turn his eyes into blank discs and since Miss Phelps looks like a man in a bad wig and an outfit that is mostly seen on maiden aunts when they take their final star turn at the local mortuary, I think we can say certain things about them.

First off, their baffled and barely suppressed rage when confronted with the fact that art, cinema, popular culture, technology, history, geography and social norms didn't obligingly come to a dead stop when they were given their teaching degrees tells us that we're dealing with pissants who don't want things to change so that they can still know everything.

The secondary qualification is a total lack of sympathy for their charges because the Luanns of the world don't see the point of learning obsolete knowledge from a droning fool who has made a pagan idol of whatever mush was pounded into him at Teacher's College. To a Fogarty, not knowing the grab-bag of factoids he mistakes for the wisdom of the ages must mean not that he's an imbecile stereotype puking forth bullcrap he's too gullible and timid to question but that the no-good kids don't know what's good for them.

The end result is that we're dealing with two tweedy throwbacks instilling a hatred of learning because they don't know anything useful and hate the children who remind them of that. Given that Liz is the same sort of mushhead and has the same lack of sympathy for people who get in her way and question her alleged knowledge of the world, she's walking down the same ruinous path to irrelevance and failure as a teacher. This means that she's more than capable of thundering on about how children must be lying when they say that they didn't mean to do wrong.

The sad thing is that unlike doctors and dentists, we cannot sue teachers for malpractice. Were tenure to be overridden by legal action, the Fogarties and Phelpses and Lizardbreaths of the world would be denied the chance to witlessly and smugly snuff out the light of knowledge and possibly be given a new better role when they were processed into animal feed.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
The very interesting thing about Liz's leaving the care of Aunty Roo is that she was immediately handed off to the protection of Gary and Vivian Crane of Mtigwaki. While we, the readers, were beaten over the head with the idea that Lizzie was just working the Evil, Distracting Urge to experience new things and think that the unfamiliar and thus obviously evil, scary and wrong might actually have value out of her system, she thought that she was actually going to become a fixture in the scary town wherein people actually thought that they had a right to speak about her comings and goings.

It was thus all to the good that when Anthony had learned to love and trust again, Liz decided that she had to be there for her family and totally not to just actually stand there like an idiot waiting for a manipulator to decide things for her. Even better, it turned out that not only had she made Paul up out of smoke and wishful thinking, her supposed protectors were actually cheering him and Susan on as they made a fool out of her. This is why she HAD to rush off to Jim's after the wedding so that she didn't have to interact with them or listen to their evil lies about how she looked like a flighty idiot who was stringing a good man along because she was too stupid and too blind to social norms to realize what a horrible person she came across as being. She got enough of that sort of hateful aspersion as to how reckless and out of touch with reality she was from April, thank you very much.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru2)
Of course, protection from the Evil Distracting Star that held out the lying promise that the Cruel, Scary Outside World was a place in which Pattersons could live was not just reserved for Michael. Having fallen victim to the Evil Distracting Star and its false belief that the pleasure she thought that sex gave her is true and good, Liz needed to go on a Journey of Purification to climb back from having toppled into the void of not being worthy of Anthony.

Her first guide back to the reality that Home really is the only place she should live was Candace's Magic Aunt Ruby. Her wonderfulness not only extended to being Candance's actual mother because her real mother was too distracted by her lecherous outsider boyfriend to notice that he was an evil lecher from the outside, she also helpfully demonstrated just how scary and cruel the evil outside world actually was by getting knocked over the head by two idiot felons.

Not, of course, that it was her fault even though Sgt Friday and Officer Gannon would hesitate to say that she did have it coming what with not taking anything like a security precaution. I mean, it didn't matter that people were warned against being as suicidally recklesstrusting as she was back when Dragnet was a radio show; the outside world is cruel and scary and the police and courts coddle criminals while threatening Decent Citizens with arrest for wanting to stand up for themselves.

That being said, some people who seem helpful at first turn out to be extra-bad people. As the Cranes of the Evil, Scary Adultery-Loving Town of Mtigwaki prove, people who look like they're protecting Liz turn out to be Cruel and Scary Outsiders who only pretend to look out for innocent young things while actually tolerating and encouraging Cheating Cheaters who Cheat. More on that tomorrow.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru)
Now that we're about to be dealing with the fifth anniversary of the Settlepocalypse, it makes a certain amount of sense to examine why it is that Liz goes out of her way to make Thérèse out to be a horror freak evil person from a bad soap instead of the ill-used woman she actually is. Rather than admit to herself that Anthony cynically manipulated events so as to force her to want drop Eric on the spot at the New Years' Eve party, our girl still thinks that someone she might have gotten along with if circumstances were different is an ice machine who hates her and wants her to die alone and unloved. The idea that her rival doesn't hate her and simply wishes that she would find some other man to be her Twoo Wuv is a non-starter because Liz doesn't want to admit the following facts about herself:


  • "I am a passive observer in this life because the idea of acting on my own behalf scares me."

  • "I think that the world owes me a living."

  • "I can never be satisfied with what I have and yearn to have what others have."

  • "I am not especially observant and tend to miss things that are right in front of me."

  • "I have no real idea who the people around me really are and what they really want and am too lazy and lacking in curiosity to find out."

  • "Deep down, I find the world to be a terrifying place and yearn for safety."

  • "I hate the idea of being blamed for things even though my being responsible is the only possible explanation."

  • "I don't actually have the least idea of what love is."

  • "People whose interests conflict with my own don't actually wish me harm."

  • "I like to manipulate the feelings of others for kicks."

  • "I don't really care about the feelings of other people as such."

  • "My own gratification is the second-highest concern in my life."

  • "Having my parents fawn over me and me alone is the highest concern."

Forcing Liz to listen to herself for once wouldn't be an especially good idea. It would be one thing to admit that she's a timid, immature, emotionally stunted person who made a bad decision because she wants to have at least one moment where the son didn't shine in her eyes. It would be quite another thing to admit that her ignorance of who people are made things worse. This is because just as there are facts about herself that she finds impossible to admit, there are facts about her family that she can not permit herself to think:

  • "My father is a less obvious and therefore more insidious version of Candace's step-father and, while he will not admit to it, is propelled by the desire to mate with me."

  • "My mother is an emotionally damaged woman who secretly hopes that my life is as miserable as her own so she can feel good about making a very stupid decision in haste."

  • "My older brother is a very damaged young man who had the empathy yelled out of him."

  • "My younger sister isn't actually trying to take my place."

  • "My parents want me to marry Anthony because they'd rather I marry a dreary failure that they know than a good man they don't."

  • "Anthony is a very damaged and stupid man who will never move on with his life."

Since admitting those things would mean that her bad decision was made to please horrible people, she just can't let herself see any of it.
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru)
One thing that we've all noticed about the Lynnsights that mention parenting of late is that we're being asked to take Lynn's side in a quarrel she's having with Katie about how much access she's allowed to her grandchild. It doesn't seem to matter to Lynn that she could never find the time for Katie and Aaron when they were growing up because she seems to be possessed of the foolish notion that she can make up for half-assed underparenting by a facile apology and half-assed overparenting of Laura. Since the idiot is doing something people call "cramming to get into Heaven", whatever reasons Kate might have for not allowing Lynn to do what she wants are obviously irrelevant. Since Lynn would still be using the strip as a means of beating people over the head, we can expect certain things to happen.

The first thing that would happen is that Lynn would retcon who Jim and Marian were. In the original version, the two of them were praised for keeping their grandchildren at arms' length and shutting down any attempt the kids might make to bond with them. Since the role of grandparents would shift from being "people who interfere with my parenting" to "excellent people like me", their wonderfulness would express itself as being a second set of parents.

Next, we have to contend with Lynn's need to state that outsiders are always scary and wrong. This would surely take the form of Lynn becoming the exemplar of giving her grandbabies toys, time and attention while Mira and Clarice Caine would be the ones who would sit on their arses drinkin'coffee while Elly's grandchildren played in traffic and drank drain cleaner.

We could also expect to see Elly and Connie whine about how Elizabeth selfishly and irrationally followed the bad advice of selfish people who don't want Elly to win even once by not letting Elly swoop down and give her grandchildren the attention she never seemed to want to give her, Mike and April when they were growing up. Any sort of indication that this is in any way hypocritical on Elly's part would be explained away in a silly, self-serving fashion that whines about how adult children should just get over being treated like monsters who want to destroy their mother because said mother no longer believes that to be the case decades afterward.

Finally, the baby would love Elly more than any other character and would regularly spit, tinkle and defecate on John Patterson. That'll teach Rod to want to try to be a part of his grandchild's life!!
dreadedcandiru2: (Snarky Candiru)
Of course, there is another way in which Anthony losing custody of his daughter because some "biased" jury and "quite clearly corrupt and incompetent" judge listened to Thérèse's "outlandish and scurrilous lies" about how he's an emotionally abusive creep-head married to a negligent, verbally abusive drunkard of marginal intellectual capacity makes him and Liz unfit to parent a Beanie Baby and took little Frenchy Girl away to become a snooty-faced weirdo who calls the Pattersons self-serving hayseeds. Said horrible thing is once she shows signs of being brainwashed into thinking that being treated as if she were a human being whose needs need to be taken seriously is a good thing when being treated like a monster who wants to drain Elly's substance produced such an excellent creature as fat-assed lush Lizardbreath, Pornstache will up and decide that he wants a complete family now that he's got himself a hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. Since Lynn would need to hammer away at the theme that people who make her feel as if she's in the wrong are actually extra-bad people who want to ruin her life, we can look forward to Liz being akin to Connie or Georgia and not even being able to oops any more babies. This will somehow be blamed on the Evil Career Woman's malice and a triumph for her campaign to keep Liz from being loved by her worthless arsebucket parents or some such drivel.

What it will not be seen as is what it is: a pathetic loser who pissed a good thing away so that he could chase a teenaged fantasy like a chump. If he'd grown the God-damned Hell up like everyone else, he'd actually be the rather cool dude Lynn described him as being. Instead, he's a whining, sunken-chested, dickless wonder who traded away the good life for a silly dream and the wonderful future of spending his life balancing Mike "He has to unzip his pants to count to twenty-one" Patterson's books. Similarly, Liz would stand revealed not as the saintly victim of the malice of an anti-life monster but as the same sulking little child who, having been forced to obey a social norm that was inconvenient, blames the victim of her swinishness for her own blindly stomping away in a blind rage because she can't punish someone for wanting her to feel bad about barging in where she shouldn't be.

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