The gift of stupidity: a Patterson Christmas tradition.

[dreadedcandiru2]

Now that we're hip-deep in the glass angel story arc, I'd like to take a bit of a break from talking about how the Pattersons can never seem to understand that what they think should happen is not what will happen to talk about how miraculous it is that a member of the Patterson family got a family member something he or she might actually like. This, I should think, is because John had very little to do with the selection process. As we've seen, we're dealing with a man who not only doesn't know his own wife's measurements, he doesn't have a clue as to how tall she is. As I commented on years ago, the man has no real idea what Elly would like to get owing to his inability to figure out that when she says that she wants something practical, she's hoping that he'll read her mind and get her some sort of jewelry. Since she married him for his money and not his brains, the only reason that she gets something that isn't an appliance, a set of snow tires or a large container of soap is when someone female like Jean or Lizzie is there to hint as to what women would actually want to get. This is normally followed by an arch remark about how the Three Wise Men got to be wise by making busy women with noooooo help and nooooooooo time to themselves do all the work.

That being said, slamming Rod by proxy isn't the only thing gift-giving is good for. Lynn can also use the giving of gifts as a means of giving a middle finger to other people she doesn't like. As by way of example, we have to deal with Thérèse Caine and Mira Sobinski as both the givers and the recipients of gifts. As we all remember, the Evil Career Woman was made even more evil because she wanted seed money for the Weird French Girl's RESP instead of baby clothes that she'd outgrow and the Domineering Mother In Law never respected the Pattersons' generosity because she had to win all the time. Speaking of time, both women are subjected to canting nonsense about how time is better than gifts; when you remember that Mira gives both and Elly neither, this is rather something of a ludicrous thing to say.

The most annoying thing about the war on gift-giving is something that howtheduck notice. What interested him is looking at strips that have one of the Pattersons buying an expensive gift on some holiday and lamenting that the holiday requires gift-giving. The odd thing about this sort of whining is the timing: right when Lynn was getting divorced again; it would seem that her bitterness leached out and took the form of making the Pattersons into miserly idiots.

Comments

[fairest1.livejournal.com]

Rereading the Valentine's strip . . . I have to wonder what the hell was implied by having her say "You'll need gift tags with these." I mean, in the context, it seemed like it was saying that's another expense, but in the real world if a clerk said that it'd mean "These are free with gift bags, and the doofus probably needs help keeping track of which bag is for who."

I'm kinda baffled by Elly's attitude. I buy gifts for people because I like to consider the person and get something I think they'd like (or, if I don't like the person and am obligated to get them something, I buy an item they'd specifically hate but which is nice enough that they'd need to act like it's perfectly fine). It doesn't need to be expensive, what matters is that you give a general impression you give a shit. Had Elly gotten Phil fishing stuff he already had, he'd be happy with it because hey, it's not like a double of a lure is useless, and it shows she actually remembers his interests.

[dreadedcandiru2.livejournal.com]

What bothers me is the hostility that gift cards kindle in the hearts of cartooists. Every comic strip I know of has the title character wail about how simply awful and impersonal letting a person buy something he or she might like is. This makes little sense because the message the sort of gift Elly would give Phil sends the message "I have no idea what you like and you're a bad person because of it."

[fairest1.livejournal.com]

Gift cards are another matter, at least in the old days before it was illegal to have expiration dates on 'em. Then it might be "It's like cash, except you can only use it at a specific store within the next three months. Then it's just a piece of plastic."

Depends, though. If you get one for a store you know the person frequents on a regular basis -- a hobby store they practically live in, a book shop for the bookworm -- then it's awesome. A gift card for Dollarama or a chain store that doesn't have a location within 40 miles of that person's house, however . . .

[dreadedcandiru2.livejournal.com]

True, true....but to judge from comic strips, you'd think that they were invented by Scrooge to take all the warmth and love out of giving.

[fairest1.livejournal.com]

It does make things a tad awkward, come Christmas morning. Gift cards are cool for, like, an office secret santa -- $10 gift limit, $10 card -- but a gift card isn't very useful for my family's annual tradition of reading your new books Christmas afternoon(or the other tradition of looking up if your new gifts are actually legal to own in Canada). So . . . one is fine, but it'd be annoying if everyone did it to you.