Foobonia and Points West.

As you will perhaps recall, long ago, I came up with the rather depressing idea that the reason that John and Elly kept going on those kid-hostile vacations in the sun was in order to finally have the honeymoon they never believe themselves to have experienced. It was never about the sheer impracticality of uprooting a child for two weeks every March or the logistic nightmare involved in corralling them or even Elly's sick dread that somehow, a child's naughtiness would end up causing a disaster. It was all about the very real problem of her being disappointed and feeling that yet again, the magic she was promised failed to materialize. The reason that I mention this is that when the Martian asked why she couldn't go on the trip, Carrie Patterson tried really hard to explain that parents are people too and it's nothing personal in order to avoid telling her the truth: the Pattersons and their co-cannibals think that the presence of rugmunchers and small fry puts the brakes on anything remotely romantic.

We confirm this suspicion every time the idea of John and Elly being in love and doing sentimental things baffles and disgusts the younger generation. The obvious subtext of Lizzie and Mike stating that parents simply aren't allowed to display affection like they were people are something is that evil, selfish children race around squealing "You can't have emotional needs.....you're a MOTHER!!" because Lynn doesn't want to live in the world we do. This world has children think that their parents were born old, angry killjoys who live to suppress fun and make them renounce happiness out of revenge. The idea that Mom and Dad used to be kids like them only ever fully develops when they're in their mid-twenties. This means that John and Elly are finally about due for their real honeymoon. It also means that some poor shmuck baby-sitter is trying to explain to Mike and Liz's kids why they gotta stay in the snow without flat-out calling them selfish romance-eaters.

Having reminded myself that Lynn hasn't any use for joint custody, it seems appropriate to remind you that she also doesn't really have much use for blended families either. The difference is, of course, who's to blame for the chaos and acrimony that's the inevitable result of not blindly conforming to the norm. When divorce happens, the vector of discord is, of course, the cheating cheater who cheats. In the case of blended families, it's the spoiled children who don't want lonely women who want to learn to trust and love and so on and so forth who are to blame for all the unhappiness. The first instance of this sort of crap is when we have Lawrence being depicted as being a spoiled little princeling because he doesn't want to admit that what's best for the adults around him is what's best for him. Next, we have to contend with the fact that Molly and Gayle are depicted not as kids who are having their lives turned upside down arbitrarily so their douche father can step on a relationship that scares his dumb ass but as wild animals that hate Connie and want to ruin her because she's a target of convenience. Again, the presumption is that children don't actually feel anything but simply want to bust asses out of hatred. Finally, we have to deal with the fact that the Weird Frenchy Girl doesn't realize that Lizardbreath's best interests are her own best interests and wants to make her unhappy because children are evil.

In all three cases, we have the commonality of self-serving parents who seem to believe that taking the feelings of children into account is a form of surrender to said kids. Well, that and self-serving adults who won't believe that what happens to children matters worth a damn. Thinking along those lines might make them look like bad, selfish people and is thus as likely to happen as Liz realizing that she might actually look like a threat to a marriage.